As promised, here’s the written result of the no shampoo freak out I had last week. I’ll have you know as of today, I’m 69 days shampoo free, but the following still basically represents my current state of mind. Enjoy.
I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE.
Is it too soon to digress?
When I was little my mom would say, “I’ve had it up to here!” and the line was somewhere around the middle of her forehead. And really, tell me, is it just me or does anyone else consider that more of a challenge than a warning? Turns out it’s always a warning, my young readers, do not under any circumstances attempt to get the line above the head. It will not work out well for you.
So anyway, I’VE HAD IT UP TO HERE. And by HERE I mean the top of my scalp.
This whole no shampoo arrangement is starting to harsh my gig. It’s cramping my style. It’s chapping my hide. You savvy? You picking up what I’m throwing down? I know one thing for sure, my friend whose name rhymes with Harry is very interested in where I’m headed with this, and she’s getting all set up for the ultimate “in your face.” And maybe she should be.
I’m on the edge, but not of glory, people. I can finally see the end of my will to continue and I’m heading towards it like a moth to a flame. I’m 60+ days without shampoo and I’m out of new ideas to fix the fact that it isn’t working anymore. It’s as if everything I try works perfectly, but only ONCE! The vinegar, the lemons, the baking soda, the egg whites, the cornstarch, it’s enough to DRIVE ME CRAZY! ARG I’m so frustrated I’m falling back on all CAPS to make my point. I can’t keep doing this.
But I can’t stop.
I’m in a kind of strange, sometimes gross, very confusing limbo. Somehow my shampoo has managed to Vulcan Mind-Meld me into moving it out of the cupboard in which I was storing it for guests, and back into my shower, where it sits and mocks me with its fragrant, shine-producing, chemical-laden I-knew-you’d-cave smirk. I very well might be losing my mind.
But I keep thinking that I should keep trying.
I’ve read that it takes some people 3 months to “detoxify,” and I’m 2 deep. Honestly, I’m pretty sure I’m not still detoxifying. My scalp is definitely not producing the amount of oils it was a few months ago. My scalp/roots isn’t the problem. It’s everything else. My hair doesn’t feel right. It’s dull and lifeless and gross. It’s not dirty, like smelly dirty, it just has the faint scent of hopelessness and despair. I’m not talking about day 2 or day 3 here. I can smell the sorrow as I step out of the shower.
I need a solution, a compromise of sorts. I need to reaffirm my purpose and evaluate my process. I need to figure this mess out before I go all Sinead O’Connor. But I just can’t go back to store-bought shampoo today, this I know for sure. If I give in now, I’ll always wonder what could have been. In fact, it will bother me so much I can already tell you that if I stop I’ll start all over in a week and my husband probably will institutionalize me.
And where would that leave you?
Oh COME ON, I wouldn’t just abandon you. I’m going to figure this out. Stop fretting.
I ditched the shampoo first and foremost to rid myself of unwanted chemicals. That is still the primary objective. I also wanted to stop stripping my hair of its natural oils and I still want that as well. Lastly, I wanted to hold on to a bit more of my hard-earned money. Yep, still want that too. Only now, I’m officially adding another objective. I want my hair to look and feel at least fair, if not, good, just not bad. Is that really too much to ask?
What’s that? You think I want to have my cake and eat it too? Well… huh.
Heck yes I want to eat the freaking cake. Who doesn’t want to eat the cake? Why does the cake even exist if not to be eaten? That’s just the stupidest thing ever.
“Um, I’ll have the cake. Why no, I don’t intend to eat it.”
I mean seriously, people, how do you even eat a cake you don’t have? Nothing about that makes any sense at all. So weird, but since you brought it up, whatever, fine, I won’t eat the cake. But. It. Had. Better. Look. And. Smell. Darn. Good.
Here’s the new plan. I’m not going to give up. Yet. But this wave has crested my friends. I’m either going to ride it into the shores of fabulousandawesomehair, or I’m going to wipeout and be thrown against the rocks, let’s just call them the rocks of I’mgoingtostartshampooingmyhairagain. I’m going to ride it out through July. But if I can’t find a way to bring my hair back to life, I’ll have to settle for a compromise. Maybe I’ll get one of the reduced chemical products that are starting to come out. Or maybe I’ll just give it a good wash once or twice a month starting in August. Either way, the end is nigh.
So how about it? Anyone else gone/going through this hubbub? Any tips? Suggestions? Advice? Help a sister out.