Have you missed me? I’ve missed you.
Man, I got the worst computer virus EVER! The Black screen of death appeared, popups proclaiming the demise of my hard drive, all programs and icons – GONE – freaky stuff, no joke. I instantly shut down my computer (right after I coaxed my heart back up from my toes) and grabbed my smart phone. What do you think I did next? Yes! I, of course, Googled it. I Googled the text from the popup that plastered itself all over my screen, and what do you know? I got a hit. I was directed to this website called bleepingcomputer.com. This is a glorious place of wonderment, where all of the super-smart-computer-heroes actively fight malware and viruses for FREE. For FREE people.
So, I, completely freaked out, and still using my phone, went right to a forum that seemed to be about what I was dealing with and posted a general cry for help. Immediately, I got an answer. Oh happy day! I started implementing the advice right away. A few minutes after I started a scan of my computer in safe mode, I went back to the website and lost my heart to my toes again. A mediator had come on and deleted the first dude’s advice. The mediator said, “Ignore the advice above and follow this guide.”
What the? I explained, in a totally (un)calm and (ir)rational manner that I had already done what the dude suggested. I was then informed, in the nicest way possible, that I am an idiot.
Turns out I had posted in an area where anyone from the general public can chat. And to be fair, bleepingcomputer.com has a bunch of “read me” manuals on how and where and when to post, but I was so totally freaked, I skipped them. Bad idea, I know. The mediator, helped me realize I was in fact an idiot, calmed me down, directed me to the proper area and instructed to follow some manuals they have in place. Thus, the beginning of what I like to refer to as The Great Healing.
I followed the guides to the letter, but eventually got to a spot where it was suggested that I post a log in a different area of the website and wait for a super-smart-computer-hero to contact me. This took two days. In the meantime, I ran my computer in safe mode only and avoided the web as much as possible.
Then he appeared.
gringo_pr, my own personal super-smart-computer-hero dropped down from his home in cyber heaven. He started a process that took maybe three more days. He would tell me to download and run a program, and then I would post the log it created and tell him of any problems I encountered. We did this with 15-20 different programs. I had many freakouts. But my super-smart-malware-fighting-computer-hero, gringo_pr, talked me off the ledge and stayed the course.
This morning I was given the All Clear. I lost not one file. I am amazed by the complexity of the process that it took to remove the creation of a jerk-face-super-smart-computer-villain, and completely indebted to the genius of Sir gringo_pr, the sensational-super-smart-malware-demolishing-computer-hero. And though it is a free service, I donated 10 bucks to the Just and Noble cause.
All that being said, between scans and logs I’ve been doing some cool stuff. I can’t wait to tell you about my SOAP! Yes! I actually made soap!!! I also had a no shampoo melt down I know you’re going to LOVE hearing about (especially my friend who’s name rhymes with Harry). And finally, I think I may have cured arthritis, but keep in mind that the FDA has not evaluated that statement just yet. So look for some new posts in the near future.
It’s good to be back, people.